Thursday, October 16, 2008
today, the 16th of October.
The
LOSER/LONER speaks:
Hey.
I'm not sure about what exactly to write. I mean, it's been ages since I've actually typed my feelings out or shared how I really felt with anyone, let alone my blog, which is suppose to be like my diary. It's just I have no idea what to say, so many sentences jump out at me trying to be
published on a website but it just can't...Can't be seen.
I'm feeling rather silly nowadays, like a silly teenager that can't control her emotions, or hides her emotions too much. I feel like I haven't gotten angry or annoyed in a while, and that's pretty dangerous well, because obviously, if I don't feel annoyed, and keep my emotions bottled up ... when it does come out..It'll be like a minor explosion.
I mean, what can I say about today, it's like I'm rushing from one class to another class just to feel like I belong somewhere. I don't know, I'm feeling somewhat nomadic nowadays, like there isn't really a place where I belong. I'm really tired, and I have no idea what to say or do. It's like, right now, I should be studying for a French test, but part of me feels like, why on earth should I study for my French test...It's not like I'll end up using the language once I return to Malaysia. I don't know what's bringing on the emoness. But I certainly want it to go away.
I think I'm falling for someone that isn't good for me..and will never end up liking me. It's just, I'm not sure if I'm liking his beauty or his personality. The scary and sad thing is, I really like his personality, it's just, he's happy and random. I need happy and random. Yes, I know, I say that about every guy, but I fell in love with a completely different guy before him. That guy, I know, would have just made me angry if I were to date him, but who says he'd ever date me anyway. So no chance there.
I feel very silly nowadays. I keep using that word, I know, but I just don't know, it's just so annoying. I've spent over a thousand ringgit five hundred this month, paying for everything. It's just, everything keeps adding up and it's just so much money. I really want to go to England in Febuary, but it costs 250 euros and I don't know if I should spend that much, I mean, I'd love to go, more than anything, but can my budget allow me to go to England. GOOOOD!
I'm feeling slightly annoyed with my host sister, it's like, today, I asked her what time she commences school tomorrow, and she went off into this whole bitch fit saying I ask that question every thursday night. Sorry la beb, it's just I have nothing else to say to you. That's how much I'm not connected to you. Lol. Why doesn't anyone here click with anyone? I haven't found anyone I really click with and it's so horrible. I talk to everyone, but no, no one seems to click with me.
Meant for me;
Oh btw, Bruna, from CLA, I so can't stand you. I wish you'd just shut up and get out of CLA you noisy annoying peice of shit. It's like, oh my god, you think you're all that, but you're not. I AM. God, you annoying attention seeker.11:43 AM
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
aujourd'hui ;)
Minana, Poitelon, Deborah et Moi.
Moi, Poitelon et Deborah.
Seconde huit, je pense, je tu manque beaucoup :(
triste maintenant, je ecrit en la blog apres.
je t'aime.
10:35 AM
Monday, October 06, 2008
sway my way
It's been almost four weeks, and I know that I really have to update my blog. I'm just so uninspired, like, it's been forever since I've picked up a pen and wrote down how I felt. Like, I haven't even been able to write poetry.
The two weeks were rather dull, and I seriously don't have to much to write about it. I mean, I don't want to remember the times when I was frustrated and annoyed, and I could almost have killed myself over how annoyed I felt at that moment...I mean, I rather remember the great things about my stay, so for myself in the future, I'm definitely not going to mention them :)
The third week, oh my God, there's so much I can write about it. It was absolutely beautiful in every way. Like, at school, anyone who has read this blog remembers me fancying a guy...and like, he's been making me absolutely frustrated for the past two weeks, and like, this week, its finally registered in my mind that he and I are meant to be friends. Like I seriously think he and I can be best friends by the end of the stay, I mean, we just click. LOL! We like the same things, Damien Rice, Lord of the Rings, and well..photography&writing <3.
Okay, and I spoke to my classmates, in FRENCH. I truly do love some people like Marilene, Maxime the Goth, Betty the Ah-Lian, and Stan the red converse guy. They're normal, and they're the social rejects <3 JE T'AIME! I'm being serious and not sarcastic at this moment, so don't think I'm being horrible, because I'm not. Yes, we really get along well. Although, I do feel a tad bit like a sasquatch at times.
The third week: [the best week since i've been here]
Okay anyway, I spent the week talking to Francois and Raphael, and of course, hugging everyone. It was really nice to finally hug and not to kiss. Oh yes, I had what in my opinion, has to be the most different raya ever. Like seriously, I had phys.ed on that morning. How freakishly cool is that? I mean, it was frigging hilarious though, I should have been stuffing myself silly and yet there I was, running like mad. Ironic but cool =)
After that I had English, and I guess it was like every other English class. Lol, and then I went home, and chilled, then I had theatre practise <3. I really do love it, seriously. Hmm, after that, marked the best moment ever I had with my host family. Maman did the sweetest thing, she made a special meal with duck and potatoes. It was absolutely wonderful. Like I really felt at home, and after that, we ate gateau de chocolat <3. HOME!
After that on Thursday, and Friday, it just passed by really smoothly, I mean, I went swimming at the pool, and seriously, it was hilarious, because the French really don't care about nakedness no matter what size you are. How cool kan. Oh yes, totally random but I taught Antoine and Francois-Xavier how to do my ghetto handshake. =). Yo! After swimming, I had geography, and the geography absolutely loves me. I mean, who wouldn't. Haha, he speaks in English to me and he explains everything in English for me =)
Okay, so the weekend came. BEST TIME EVER. AFS CAMP <3.
AFS CAMP [4th - 5th October 2008]
I arrived there, and I randomly started hugging people. Okay, it was just introductions and after that we formed some random human chain where we had to get tangled and then untanggled again and again. It was fun, except for the fact that my pants kept falling down, and we got very intimate with some people ;). After that, I was with Pauline and Valein and we were talking about our very embarassing moments. Mine were completely gone. I had to explain something horrible in French ;)...but it was cool. Hmm...once we were done with that we had to go on some fromage quest.. I was in the group with Gabriela [Paraguay], Lucinda [United States], Switzerland, and Cem [Turkey]....It was fun =)
Lol, after, we were just chilling in the room and then we found out we had to do something for the talent show. I was in the group with Fillipo [Italy], Giulia [Italy], Gabriela, Nera [Croatia]..and we were singing "I'm yours". Sounded horrible with all our different accents, but I loved every second of it. <3
Hmm, apres nous mange le poisson avec riz. C'est moyen, et apres...nous mange ... guess quoi? LE FROMAGE. Mais, c'est pas bonne. Hmm... after that, we had a 'party' in our room. There wasn't any food or drinks, how pathetic. But it was cool, we spent the time talking about random stuff and taking photos.
Danielle, Melanie, Adrien, and I [avec Nera in le background], kept talking until about 3:30am... when Thomas the old old old co-geek [25yearsold] volunteer joined to talk about Battlestar Galactica =)...He and I received a rather large amount of insults from Adrien and Danielle, but we're cool. Also, while we were conversing, we found out that Guatemala is one of the coolest party countries ever.
The next day, we just talked and talked and talked some more.
I loved every second of that week...
...and to conclude the final moment, Clarissa called me and we spoke for an hour on the phone.
Je t'aime.
Julia
Special thanks to ;
Kelsey Rabindran.
7:45 AM
Minana, Poitelon, Deborah et Moi.
